right to the point,today is a bad day!!
I don't know how much more i can take i'm not sure how many times i can allow myself to cry,more so get my hopes up,thinking "this month is it" WHY cant i just get it in my head that,im not going to be pregnant?? i know i'm very negative rignt now..but im tired of being optimistic i'm tired of being happy for everybody else....i know i know that's selfish but...i swear on everything this has weakened me.
For two years i have tried to be in good spirits,optimistic but i tell you now i have been weak on my knees praying to god that i can just have ONE child...just one!!
I guess TTC is bringing out sides of me,that i never knew i had,maybe i need to give up?? i don't want to turn into a grouch,i don't want to be negative and i really honestly want to be happy for my family,and friends and most of all my TMP family.
I finally have found a place,were i am excepted,and the women there are so,i mean beyond supportive and i can only think..negative. for my TMP i deeply apologize.
+*+*my current status+*+*
cd 23-9 dpo
-slight headache
-crampish
-drop temp
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
infertile at 20-5
hey readers,
Just wanted to give everyone a quick update on me:im currently on cd 19 and 5 dpo, O'ed on vday night,it would be really nice if we conceived on one of the most romantic nights of the year.. if so i would be due november 8th the day after my 21st birthday,but with my luck i will be in labor and delivery the day of my birthday,i wouldn't mind tho..as long as i have a healthy baby in the end that would be the best..i mean the best gift ever!!! Last cycle i started having FPS (fake pregnancy symptoms) about 4 dpo. and this cycle i dont have any except for my abdomen has been sore ALL day yesterday and started again this afternoon. I doubt its a pregnancy symptom,but i really wish it would go away..i think i might take my last ovulation test today just to make sure im not having a double O i guess it would be cool having a second chance at getting pregnant in one month,but if both eggs get fertilized i wouldnt know how to react to the thought of having twins. my sister have 1 yr old twins(her first)conceived at 19,and i play an active roll in the twins life and they are a total handful at times..but i love them to death!
Rj and i have started to prepare for the new baby,tho it maybe awhile before he or she is expected,we decided to get a new car,big enough for the baby's car seat and his daughters toddler seat. I me trying so hard not to start buying baby clothes and maternity clothes for me but its soo exciting,it would be a bitter sweet moment if i give in and start buying it will fill an empty space,but be a constant remider that im not pregnant yet.
Time is flying by and soon i wont be 20 and infertile,i will be 30-40 and childless
Just wanted to give everyone a quick update on me:im currently on cd 19 and 5 dpo, O'ed on vday night,it would be really nice if we conceived on one of the most romantic nights of the year.. if so i would be due november 8th the day after my 21st birthday,but with my luck i will be in labor and delivery the day of my birthday,i wouldn't mind tho..as long as i have a healthy baby in the end that would be the best..i mean the best gift ever!!! Last cycle i started having FPS (fake pregnancy symptoms) about 4 dpo. and this cycle i dont have any except for my abdomen has been sore ALL day yesterday and started again this afternoon. I doubt its a pregnancy symptom,but i really wish it would go away..i think i might take my last ovulation test today just to make sure im not having a double O i guess it would be cool having a second chance at getting pregnant in one month,but if both eggs get fertilized i wouldnt know how to react to the thought of having twins. my sister have 1 yr old twins(her first)conceived at 19,and i play an active roll in the twins life and they are a total handful at times..but i love them to death!
Rj and i have started to prepare for the new baby,tho it maybe awhile before he or she is expected,we decided to get a new car,big enough for the baby's car seat and his daughters toddler seat. I me trying so hard not to start buying baby clothes and maternity clothes for me but its soo exciting,it would be a bitter sweet moment if i give in and start buying it will fill an empty space,but be a constant remider that im not pregnant yet.
Time is flying by and soon i wont be 20 and infertile,i will be 30-40 and childless
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
infertile at 20-4
hello readers
This week has been uneventful,im currently cd 10 i started using opk's yesterday and,bfn. i wasn't totally surprised or disappointed because i usually ovulate around cd 14. i really wanted to reassure my self that i wasn't ovulating because on cd 4/5 i had slight pain almost like O pains,then on cd 8/9 they were really uncomfortable.so my plan is just to keep testing until cd 16. im getting tested for diabetes tomorrow,i have a few symptoms so i wont be completely shocked,a few people in my family as well,so rj and i decided it was best to start working out and eating healthier now with or without diabetes,also loosing weight can also affect my fertility so im prepared to do what i have to to increase my fertility and live healthy in general im thinking about not really dieting dieting,but more of just watching what i eat,the portion of food that i have and skipping seconds,and cutting the sodas more veggies ect. I also had a doctors appointment and my left ovary is up against my uterus so i ask the tech would that keep me from ovulating and she said that she couldn't answer that and i would have to see my dr,i was upset at the fact that couldnt give any direct answers,but i will just have to wait until i see the dr. i so cant wait for my insurance to change so i can see better doctors and have more test.
This week has been uneventful,im currently cd 10 i started using opk's yesterday and,bfn. i wasn't totally surprised or disappointed because i usually ovulate around cd 14. i really wanted to reassure my self that i wasn't ovulating because on cd 4/5 i had slight pain almost like O pains,then on cd 8/9 they were really uncomfortable.so my plan is just to keep testing until cd 16. im getting tested for diabetes tomorrow,i have a few symptoms so i wont be completely shocked,a few people in my family as well,so rj and i decided it was best to start working out and eating healthier now with or without diabetes,also loosing weight can also affect my fertility so im prepared to do what i have to to increase my fertility and live healthy in general im thinking about not really dieting dieting,but more of just watching what i eat,the portion of food that i have and skipping seconds,and cutting the sodas more veggies ect. I also had a doctors appointment and my left ovary is up against my uterus so i ask the tech would that keep me from ovulating and she said that she couldn't answer that and i would have to see my dr,i was upset at the fact that couldnt give any direct answers,but i will just have to wait until i see the dr. i so cant wait for my insurance to change so i can see better doctors and have more test.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Infertile at 20-2
Hey readers,
I tested again and i got a positive test...but got my period in full force (the date it was due) some of the women suggested it could have been a chemical pregnancy (when the egg doesn't implant)but i think maybe the test was defected. My heart was broken,but something told me that this wasn't really it,i somewhat felt it much as i wanted to get excited i couldn't. I really believe im suffering from pcos or endo. So i'm going to the doctor next week and hopefully have some answers. This cycle I plan to start charting again, and i have been taking soy 120mg for days 1-5 of my cycle. i will also be using egg whites closer to my ovulation time. as well as ovulation test strips. Im prepared to do whatever this cycle to have my little miracle. If any of you have any tips please feel free to share
xobrixo
tips for my readers
:try having sex,at night and dont get up to use the rest room after.
:prop your hips up with a pillow or hold them up with your arms
more tips in my next post
I tested again and i got a positive test...but got my period in full force (the date it was due) some of the women suggested it could have been a chemical pregnancy (when the egg doesn't implant)but i think maybe the test was defected. My heart was broken,but something told me that this wasn't really it,i somewhat felt it much as i wanted to get excited i couldn't. I really believe im suffering from pcos or endo. So i'm going to the doctor next week and hopefully have some answers. This cycle I plan to start charting again, and i have been taking soy 120mg for days 1-5 of my cycle. i will also be using egg whites closer to my ovulation time. as well as ovulation test strips. Im prepared to do whatever this cycle to have my little miracle. If any of you have any tips please feel free to share
xobrixo
tips for my readers
:try having sex,at night and dont get up to use the rest room after.
:prop your hips up with a pillow or hold them up with your arms
more tips in my next post
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